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Cyn: You do a lot of different kinds of work. What's your favorite thing
to work on?
Robert: Hmm, you mean besides digging up corpses and meeting hot models? Well, I mostly enjoy writing fiction, short stories and, of corpse, the magazine. Also, occasionally acting. But my real passion is actually cooking and I have dined at over 50 Michelin restaurants all over the world. I have also been a guest chef in restaurants.
Cyn: What are you planning on having done when you die?
Robert: I want to be cremated and made into a soufflé.
Cyn: What do you think happens when you die?
Robert: The party really gets started. Especially, if you go to hell. For me, heaven would be ‘hell.’ All those boring tea toters, church goers and bingo players. Sounds boring as, well... hell. Actually, I believe in the soul. I've seen enough people die close-up to realize that there is a profound experience at death and that our energy, our being, our “soul,” leaves our body and all that’s left is an empty milk carton. That's why I can handle the corpses and not freak out -- because "no one's home" so to speak. I do value life. But a
corpse is just bones and rotting flesh. And, though hair and fingernails do continue to grow after you die, the being, the essence who we are, or were, is gone.
GH: What's the one thing that you most like to have with you while you're
working? Robert: 1) A blowjob
2) Silence
3) Constant praise
4) Thesaurus
Cyn: When's the last time you pulled an all nighter?
Robert: I'm writing this right now at 3:47 a.m. I pull all nighters all the time. I usually get up after 11:00 a.m.
Cyn: Who, dead or alive, do you most idolize or who most influences your
work?
Robert: Once again, my father would be first. Next, would be MAD Magazine. Also writers like Kurt Vonnegut, Tom Wolfe, Mark Twain, comedian George Carlin and so many others.
Cyn: If you were an animal what kind would you be and why?
Robert: A rabbit, because they fuck all the time.
Cyn: You do great at combining humor and horror into something really sexy. Does this come natural to you?
Robert: I really can't help how my writing comes out. I just let my imagination lead and I follow. Best not to screw with the muse. And for some reason my muse is a twisted elf with a nasty sense of humor
and a constant hard-on.
Cyn: Have there been any rumors about yourself or your work that you'd like to share or deny?
Robert: That I was in Brokeback Mountain. Actually, I played one of the sheep.
 Cyn: What first motivated you to do what you do?
Robert: I truly think it was a nearly fatal accident I had as a kid. I was struck on the head and my brains were exposed on my skull like a sunroof. It took sixty-four stitches to sew up the crevasse. I wound
up in the hospital for all of fourth grade. Then, I lost my vision in one eye for a time. I think the blow to the head, and massive amounts of pot, shaped my tender cerebrum at an early age.
Cyn: Who's your favorite author? Type of book? Movie? Food? The
basics...
Robert: Favorite Author: Hunter S. Thompson or Stephen King or Hemingway.
Type of book: Bound
Movie: Seven Beauties
Food: Cooked
Cyn: Do you have to travel a lot? How does that work out?
Robert: Pretty well, thanks. But deep down I'm a proud A-mer-I-can. I still think the U.S.A. is the greatest place on earth and if you don’t think so... adios... we need your parking space.
Cyn: Do you have a nickname now? Did you have any growing up?
Robert: Rhino was my nickname growing up. My nieces call me Uncle Tweety. But as far as my nickname, as a horror writer, I go by “The Grin Creeper.”
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Bikini Greats 
